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Hearts' bounds [3/4]

Title: Hearts' bounds
Genre: angst, yaoi
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Sakuraiba
Disclaimer: these people do not belong to me, and though I belonged they would live happily ever after >. \u0026lt;
Notes: After 'is not a fanfiction', I decided that I'd never written stuff that did not have a happy ending. Instead ... And we are falling back T_T
'divided into 4 parts, two from the perspective of Sho, two to Aiba. And the phrases found at the cone drawn from the song 'Desire' of the Baru and Yasu Kanjani8
Parties previous Part - Part

"Itsumo sou anata wo soba ni iru no? Inai no?
Watashi dake mou kowaresou nano ... "

" It's always like this, are you close to me? Or are you not?
I'm the only one that's about to break ... "

SHO

From the first time we spoke, you did nothing but make all my powder patterns. I never managed to translate into words your feelings, make a few simple phrases in your life.
But with you I have always wrong mathematical formula. And maybe that's why I finally had invented an out of nothing, that I stopped trying to read inside you to build him a new platform. Something more comfortable to handle, a mask to watch your face when it became too volatile and confused.
In fact, it's ironic: I spent years and energy to not consider us in a superficial way, to show that the idol had a brain, so that everything would be oversimplified, and with you I have always tried to do the opposite. To let violence. Mutilate your desires, you fly low, perhaps for fear of falling you would have broken. Or maybe you should wish to prevent escape. But not you, I never said, I've never asked. Stay with me. Other people
not had a hard time understanding you, you have always been an open book for all, just look to see what were you thinking, what they feel. Jun We could, we could Nino. Even Ohno, always lost in his world, could predict your moves with ease. I, however, I always lost, as if looking for a maze in a straight road.
and when we were in the maze really I just go on regardless of the curves, opening the way through the bushes with a knife and a gun to ward off the bad thoughts.
After you had called home for the first time, I thought you hated me, and that there would be no opportunity to speak to me outside of work.
And in the end also seemed logical: you and I belong to worlds so different that even suggest the possibility of a friendship seemed surreal to me, a joke that did not laugh much.
With you, it was always different, and I do not think that had to do with physical attraction. Or at least not only. In our case it probably makes more sense to speak generally of chemical . There was something that made us gravitate toward one another and always pushed us to disagree, for any topic. Hydrogen and oxygen are incompatible by birth. And yet inextricably linked and necessary to life.
They had all realized, even if I refused to talk about it. After all, what could I say? That even if you were the exact opposite of me and the type of guy that I usually feel attracted to, I could not stop thinking? That even I understood what the problem was?
Maybe we should thank Jun and his appendicitis. Or maybe not.
What is certain is that I would not have gone to visit him in hospital with you. We two alone for more.
I was aware as I was sitting at his desk with books spread before him, and tried not to look at the clock, not to hear the ticking of the hands that were moving toward the time when you would knock on my door.
I stood up at the first sound of the bell instead.
And the rest of the afternoon went well, wraps around you and your words. The distance between us that I felt, I felt irritation to grow As time passed and the wall between us grew. The sense of loss that I could not admit to feeling star.
In fact, I felt great expectations for this meeting. Even while I was dressing to go out, do not I allowed myself to think that this afternoon I had in store for something other than the fact of words followed by awkward silences. Of course I did not think could be a start.
I remember the anxiety, more than anything else. A voltage in the muscles of the shoulders, a burning sensation in the pit of my stomach was a shadow of a pain, rather than a real nuisance.
Perhaps it was when I saw you at the door of the house that the node that gripped my throat melted. Maybe my chronic pessimism led me to think that I'd stood him up and you'd be gone by Jun on your behalf.
I can not say.
The only thing certain is that as soon as I saw the first hint of your smile, I was smiling too.

"Hey"
"Hello"

Then you had a different way of moving. Even if you spent the time studying the best strategies to move your body, did not have the confidence that you have now. The actual knowledge that others will observe. That conviction that today adheres to your skin and that allows you to enter into any space and attract all eyes. And not because you're famous.
were probably aware of your beauty, but were not sure yet what it could get.
, moreover, had only twenty. It seems incredible to think that we were so young when everything is started. He almost laughed.
or cry, maybe.
Why is it easy to forgive some mistakes, when you send back the memory and seek alternative solutions. It is easy to forgive all the truth suppressed. But no loss decreases the awareness of the posting. And realize that we were too young to get it right, too small to hope to stay together forever, does not erase our mistakes. Neither changes the fact that we could not resist forever.
However, there was no alternative. There never was.
Even as she turned her head sideways to remove the blush that threatened me and stop to fix your smile, and spied the corner of the movement of the shoulders beneath his jacket, while I watched you start away a lock of hair from her face, I knew that I could not go back.
I do not know what would have happened if we had not had any argument to overcome the embarrassment. Perhaps the silence was even more glacial, your smile less convinced. And I'd begun to consider the idea of taking off of him.
Or maybe we would have done before what we would have done later. It was only a matter of a couple of hours, however. Jun
But there was a bed, some floor above us, which was expecting a visit by his teammates.

"What happened?"
shrug.
"I do not really like hospitals. I do remember "
" This time is different, but "
" Yes .. "
" Jun has nothing serious, do not worry "

do not know if it was the reassurance to calm down, or if your nervous system were not expected to stay in power for so long. It's always been your fortune, this, or your weakness, if you look at it from a Another point of view. Socialize with anyone you know, to convince even the most reluctant person to relax the nerves and start talking. The success may not be immediate with everyone, sometimes you have to work hard, but the end result has always been a surrender.
I listened to you talk about your family, and episodes of your childhood without even realizing that the discomfort was evaporated. Even the air had changed. The nurse looked at us, as we passed, and you smiled at them, but the feeling was that it was a sort of reflex, because he kept talking and did not seem to pay attention to everything which is not your speech.

"I think there is not much used to it. Then that day I drank beer, and beer, for me, is even worse. That is, it gives me a funny drunk ... "
palm against the door, the new department. Turn right.
"It's usually sways the world, but the beer is as if I swayed. I do not know why. I have always done ... "

Should I consider a miracle that we lost there, whereas you did not have the slightest idea where to go and that my sense of direction was too biased towards any direction decides take your body to pay attention to which room we were to look for.
I did not realize to what you hated hospitals, than I was worried about what Jun and what I had had marked success, until I found myself looking at you sitting on the chair beside her bed, curled up almost about yourself to seem less high, the low voice while asking him if he was sure to feel good. The facial features
serious. In your eyes there was a sincere concern that you could not pretend or exaggerate. It hit me like a punch in the stomach knowing that you were there with me. For years, you were part of my life, even without the I agree.
remember that he was a long look in the wake of that reflection.
The hair on the neck, body lines visible under the shirt of cotton. Studied the importance of your cheekbones, the cut of your eyes and the profile of the jaw. We listened to him.
For as long as we stayed there, I have not said more than ten words. Jun
me silent glances, sometimes perplexing, sometimes fun, and you do not turn around to see if I even still there.
is strange. I should have felt ignored.
Instead I had the feeling that you do not lose my every move.
And when we left the room Jun and walked back along the road that had brought us there, I wondered what was born from the silence that had found new space between us. For once, I did not think the alternatives. But I let my gait to be altered to fit you. And when, out of the hospital, I found the courage to look, I'm not surprised to see you smile.

"I believe that soon it will rain"
A Look at the sky and dark clouds swollen.
Wind chill, air supply.
"So it seems. We should hurry "
" Yeah, "
Silence.
"What we took from your house?"
"Twenty minutes, I think" Smile
more cautious now, when it starts to rain violently, suddenly.
"My house is two minutes. We can stop me, if you want. Drink "
" Until the rain stops "Smile
response evident.
"Okay,"

Only in this way, okay .
As if there was nothing else behind. As if that was what I was waiting, I wanted all along. I was hoping for.
I can not say I did not know where it would lead us the way we were taking. But I could not foresee this ending, or that would make me love you so bad. I could not know. And it certainly did not know neither do you.
But even if I had all the elements in hand, I know I would have responded in exactly the same way.
Because of all the regrets that fill my life, that is perhaps the only decision which the rain has not yet been able to wash away the taste.
And I wish I could believe that is the same for you, I'd still have that question, which will force you again in my life. I wish I could believe that our story would not be the first thing we will delete it. But it is difficult
illusion when the memory burns me in front of your eyes when your words echo in my mind and strike me as scratches. It is difficult to hope when the silence is so deafening.
When every day your eyes are indifferent, the voice comes only with the hum of the camera in the background. When you breathe into the receiver of the phone comes from so far away, and there in front of your body to achieve. Just wait. And then, the sound of dry when you stop the conversation. The movement of the hand moving down to lower mechanical the receiver. While
out the window the rain falls thick as that day. But this time, there are more ways to go. Neither
response.

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Hearts' bounds [2/4]

Title: Hearts' bounds
Genre: angst, yaoi
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Sakuraiba
Disclaimer: these people do not belong to me, and though I belonged to them would live happily ever>. \u0026lt;
Notes: After 'is not a fanfiction', I decided that I'd never written stuff that did not have a happy ending. Instead ... And we are falling back T_T
'divided into 4 parts, two from the perspective of Sho, two to Aiba. And the phrases found at the cone drawn from the song 'Desire' of the Baru and Yasu Kanjani8
Parties previous Part

"Tsuretette doko demo and atashigoto
Kitsuku Daite anata dake de yogoshite"

"Take me anywhere, all of me
Hold me tightly, you are the only one to mess me up"

AIBA

The night after the first test group Arashi, I could not sleep.
could hear the rain beating on the panes of the window and watched the bluish light that was gathering in the folds of the sheets. I looked at my hands, fists open.
I never felt that way.
During the tests, that day, I just tried not to think. At seventeen distraction is not particularly difficult, just focus energies on their movements, to move faster. With the illusion of being able to leave behind everything else.
I was stuck directly in the shower, when I was back in the locker room, and while the water I ran on his face I realized clearly that the rush was to avoid having to hear, not to have to see. I could not
eastward.
I could not understand why the bodies of my friends make me so suddenly a strange effect. I found myself looking at them differently, as if they saw for the first time.
And for the first time his eyes lingered on the curves of immature muscles, on the trails wet that drops of sweat on his shoulders drew on the veins of the arms.
I wish I could say that the attraction for you was aware, in those early days. But in reality it was an earthquake underground, further disruption of land already undermined by what was happening around us. Already too unstable.
Maybe if those days were normal-Arashi if they never existed, if we were not forced to see each other almost every day, for many years - I would only record your eyes and imagine it in the damp white sheets. Maybe for a few minutes, the time allowed usually to my fantasies.
But then I continued my normal life. And you would have faded into the background, Sho.
Sometimes I wonder as I did and wait years before they see you turn into fire, when they already have your input in my life was like a stream of water. Water percolating through the cracks, slipping on things.
My reluctance to approach initially stemmed mainly from fear of the flat sea. And slow erosion that can dig the water. Of anything that turns even the rock.
I remember was that, the feeling sharper in the early days to drown.
reeling to stay afloat, look away from the bustle of people around me not to recall the calm of your own. I thought
by contrast, paradoxically.
Why were you so different from the people around me, that I evoked their presence, almost.
The sculpted bodies of other men. And your sunk in a shirt too big the first time we met.
The deafening screams of the people. And your talking in a low voice, your silence.
The feeling that I could ask anything, and that would have been able to respond to anything.
Then I could not imagine that it would be just for those answers your fucking consistent, I'd hated so much. I did not know that I hated myself so much for all those naive questions.
And I could not know that, secretly, I photographed many times your hands, just to be able to tear up the prints. To feel more adult than you, for a time. More cruel.
probably that day, not even looked at your hands when introduced us remember having studied your face, throwing quick glances over your hips. That he wanted to rub your thumb against your cheek smooth.
But then came the night, every day.
And suddenly your hands were everywhere, portrayed in the elongated shape of the fingers. Draw on the lines of my body.
bones, nerves and veins.
awareness of each movement.
and had not yet seen as clenching his fists, Sho. I never felt your touch on me. Inside of me.
all began there, from your hands.
And I am sure that of your hands was also the last picture of you, away from work, you stole, before you would go away. While tightened his fingers around the handle of the bag, as he closed the door.
'Fuck' I thought.
Just like the day after, in the locker room, when I realized I was not being able to even walk past the shower without feeling chills.
I should worry about Arashi, in reality, of what I was - we were - going to meet.
But I was completely blown away by the news. The axis of rotation had been my perception, and now find balance seemed impossible. The bodies, which until then had been mere flesh, were now empty stomach. The touch had become dizzy.
I had no experience. I had not ever had to manage an attraction so strong, it was as if I did not know where to rest your eyes. The center of gravity had shifted completely to you.
I remember the first time I've invited to your house, when it had already turned twenty.
watched your father, I heard him speak, but struggled to untie my attention from where you were sitting.
chair.
to my right.
The feeling crazy to feel your presence.
Even the way in which your father gave me the head was smoking, I was like drunk. My throat was dry. I was thirsty.

"I bring you something to drink? Beer? Wine? "
" Coca-Cola, thank you "
" Coca-Cola? "Eyebrow arched.
"Mom, we have Coca-Cola in the house?"
"Try to look at, maybe you bought your brother. I do not know "

I wanted to bury them, right then and there.
The diversity of your world was a constant trap. I wanted to know the alphabet of your language, then. Sapermici grant.
not remember when did I started to buy Coca-Cola not only to buy wine, as if to emphasize my differences for simple revenge.
I would have given their lives to drink your glass, Sho. Listen to your own taste, place the Footprint of your lips. But I never gave an inch, even when I was ill. Even while I was losing.
And it was a war that lasted years.
Stare at your own pace to walk more slowly, or faster. Some days I was so tired that I just wanted to give up, raise your arms and let me hit. Let you go, once and for all.

"So what is going to college?"
"Well, thank you"
"Are you studying economics, right?"
"Yes"
"Do you have l & rsquo , air steward, in effect "
" I say it often. Not that it's a great compliment, but ... "
" No, but it was not intended ... had the effect of ... "
" Here, guys. Sho wine and Coca-Cola for Aiba-kun. There was half a bottle on the shelf, I hope not too outgassing "

I drank in one gulp.
I never had great difficulty sustaining a conversation, or rather, the problem was that usually chatted to freewheel. And it has been.
With you, however, did not know what to say.
My friends ranged from the popular kids in school during adolescence to those known in the agency. I could hardly conceive of someone who was studying economics.
And even later, Sho, when they leave you alone in the kitchen with your books to go out with friends ... even when your books swept them away with angry gestures. Even then, I wanted to follow you.
Having your brain to understand those texts, to share with you a conversation that you might find interesting, challenging. Be me, what turns you on his mind.
certain things I could not give them to you, and never can.
Inside of me I do not have that instinct and passion, nothing particularly interesting. You, with your knowledge, you have always been several steps ahead of me.
I should have realized that the kindness that I reserved were not due to lack of confidence in me, that I've never treated like a child. But you were different. And I, that night when I visited home for the first time, I reacted in the only way I knew: by raising the barriers. Pretending your own safety, staring straight into eyes.
I have always believed that one day I'd left. Not necessarily for another man, but to other stimuli, for something they knew fully involved.
And just to keep you with me, I always tried to hide what I was. To show to be adult, mature. At first I thought that I would have exposed it now: it would be very easy for you. Instead
the days passed, and years passed, and my masks held up.
often thank heaven for their good fortune, and usually I did when I stayed up all night just to watch you sleep next to me. Full lips touch you with a thumb, you whispered words that I said even on his deathbed, if you were been awake to hear me.
But it was often frustration, anger, resentment. Why did you not see me just meant that I was not interested in seeing me, Sho. You, who spent evenings to analyze a paragraph of your books, you had no interest in studying me.
And many times I was about to do something extreme, just to make sure you were paying attention: jumping on the table and put me to dance like crazy was not very different from a knife to peel the fruit on the wrist while .
many years so would kill any relationship. We, however, tied for eternity.