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Hearts' bounds [2/4]

Title: Hearts' bounds
Genre: angst, yaoi
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Sakuraiba
Disclaimer: these people do not belong to me, and though I belonged to them would live happily ever>. \u0026lt;
Notes: After 'is not a fanfiction', I decided that I'd never written stuff that did not have a happy ending. Instead ... And we are falling back T_T
'divided into 4 parts, two from the perspective of Sho, two to Aiba. And the phrases found at the cone drawn from the song 'Desire' of the Baru and Yasu Kanjani8
Parties previous Part

"Tsuretette doko demo and atashigoto
Kitsuku Daite anata dake de yogoshite"

"Take me anywhere, all of me
Hold me tightly, you are the only one to mess me up"

AIBA

The night after the first test group Arashi, I could not sleep.
could hear the rain beating on the panes of the window and watched the bluish light that was gathering in the folds of the sheets. I looked at my hands, fists open.
I never felt that way.
During the tests, that day, I just tried not to think. At seventeen distraction is not particularly difficult, just focus energies on their movements, to move faster. With the illusion of being able to leave behind everything else.
I was stuck directly in the shower, when I was back in the locker room, and while the water I ran on his face I realized clearly that the rush was to avoid having to hear, not to have to see. I could not
eastward.
I could not understand why the bodies of my friends make me so suddenly a strange effect. I found myself looking at them differently, as if they saw for the first time.
And for the first time his eyes lingered on the curves of immature muscles, on the trails wet that drops of sweat on his shoulders drew on the veins of the arms.
I wish I could say that the attraction for you was aware, in those early days. But in reality it was an earthquake underground, further disruption of land already undermined by what was happening around us. Already too unstable.
Maybe if those days were normal-Arashi if they never existed, if we were not forced to see each other almost every day, for many years - I would only record your eyes and imagine it in the damp white sheets. Maybe for a few minutes, the time allowed usually to my fantasies.
But then I continued my normal life. And you would have faded into the background, Sho.
Sometimes I wonder as I did and wait years before they see you turn into fire, when they already have your input in my life was like a stream of water. Water percolating through the cracks, slipping on things.
My reluctance to approach initially stemmed mainly from fear of the flat sea. And slow erosion that can dig the water. Of anything that turns even the rock.
I remember was that, the feeling sharper in the early days to drown.
reeling to stay afloat, look away from the bustle of people around me not to recall the calm of your own. I thought
by contrast, paradoxically.
Why were you so different from the people around me, that I evoked their presence, almost.
The sculpted bodies of other men. And your sunk in a shirt too big the first time we met.
The deafening screams of the people. And your talking in a low voice, your silence.
The feeling that I could ask anything, and that would have been able to respond to anything.
Then I could not imagine that it would be just for those answers your fucking consistent, I'd hated so much. I did not know that I hated myself so much for all those naive questions.
And I could not know that, secretly, I photographed many times your hands, just to be able to tear up the prints. To feel more adult than you, for a time. More cruel.
probably that day, not even looked at your hands when introduced us remember having studied your face, throwing quick glances over your hips. That he wanted to rub your thumb against your cheek smooth.
But then came the night, every day.
And suddenly your hands were everywhere, portrayed in the elongated shape of the fingers. Draw on the lines of my body.
bones, nerves and veins.
awareness of each movement.
and had not yet seen as clenching his fists, Sho. I never felt your touch on me. Inside of me.
all began there, from your hands.
And I am sure that of your hands was also the last picture of you, away from work, you stole, before you would go away. While tightened his fingers around the handle of the bag, as he closed the door.
'Fuck' I thought.
Just like the day after, in the locker room, when I realized I was not being able to even walk past the shower without feeling chills.
I should worry about Arashi, in reality, of what I was - we were - going to meet.
But I was completely blown away by the news. The axis of rotation had been my perception, and now find balance seemed impossible. The bodies, which until then had been mere flesh, were now empty stomach. The touch had become dizzy.
I had no experience. I had not ever had to manage an attraction so strong, it was as if I did not know where to rest your eyes. The center of gravity had shifted completely to you.
I remember the first time I've invited to your house, when it had already turned twenty.
watched your father, I heard him speak, but struggled to untie my attention from where you were sitting.
chair.
to my right.
The feeling crazy to feel your presence.
Even the way in which your father gave me the head was smoking, I was like drunk. My throat was dry. I was thirsty.

"I bring you something to drink? Beer? Wine? "
" Coca-Cola, thank you "
" Coca-Cola? "Eyebrow arched.
"Mom, we have Coca-Cola in the house?"
"Try to look at, maybe you bought your brother. I do not know "

I wanted to bury them, right then and there.
The diversity of your world was a constant trap. I wanted to know the alphabet of your language, then. Sapermici grant.
not remember when did I started to buy Coca-Cola not only to buy wine, as if to emphasize my differences for simple revenge.
I would have given their lives to drink your glass, Sho. Listen to your own taste, place the Footprint of your lips. But I never gave an inch, even when I was ill. Even while I was losing.
And it was a war that lasted years.
Stare at your own pace to walk more slowly, or faster. Some days I was so tired that I just wanted to give up, raise your arms and let me hit. Let you go, once and for all.

"So what is going to college?"
"Well, thank you"
"Are you studying economics, right?"
"Yes"
"Do you have l & rsquo , air steward, in effect "
" I say it often. Not that it's a great compliment, but ... "
" No, but it was not intended ... had the effect of ... "
" Here, guys. Sho wine and Coca-Cola for Aiba-kun. There was half a bottle on the shelf, I hope not too outgassing "

I drank in one gulp.
I never had great difficulty sustaining a conversation, or rather, the problem was that usually chatted to freewheel. And it has been.
With you, however, did not know what to say.
My friends ranged from the popular kids in school during adolescence to those known in the agency. I could hardly conceive of someone who was studying economics.
And even later, Sho, when they leave you alone in the kitchen with your books to go out with friends ... even when your books swept them away with angry gestures. Even then, I wanted to follow you.
Having your brain to understand those texts, to share with you a conversation that you might find interesting, challenging. Be me, what turns you on his mind.
certain things I could not give them to you, and never can.
Inside of me I do not have that instinct and passion, nothing particularly interesting. You, with your knowledge, you have always been several steps ahead of me.
I should have realized that the kindness that I reserved were not due to lack of confidence in me, that I've never treated like a child. But you were different. And I, that night when I visited home for the first time, I reacted in the only way I knew: by raising the barriers. Pretending your own safety, staring straight into eyes.
I have always believed that one day I'd left. Not necessarily for another man, but to other stimuli, for something they knew fully involved.
And just to keep you with me, I always tried to hide what I was. To show to be adult, mature. At first I thought that I would have exposed it now: it would be very easy for you. Instead
the days passed, and years passed, and my masks held up.
often thank heaven for their good fortune, and usually I did when I stayed up all night just to watch you sleep next to me. Full lips touch you with a thumb, you whispered words that I said even on his deathbed, if you were been awake to hear me.
But it was often frustration, anger, resentment. Why did you not see me just meant that I was not interested in seeing me, Sho. You, who spent evenings to analyze a paragraph of your books, you had no interest in studying me.
And many times I was about to do something extreme, just to make sure you were paying attention: jumping on the table and put me to dance like crazy was not very different from a knife to peel the fruit on the wrist while .
many years so would kill any relationship. We, however, tied for eternity.