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Hearts' bounds [3/4]

Title: Hearts' bounds
Genre: angst, yaoi
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Sakuraiba
Disclaimer: these people do not belong to me, and though I belonged they would live happily ever after >. \u0026lt;
Notes: After 'is not a fanfiction', I decided that I'd never written stuff that did not have a happy ending. Instead ... And we are falling back T_T
'divided into 4 parts, two from the perspective of Sho, two to Aiba. And the phrases found at the cone drawn from the song 'Desire' of the Baru and Yasu Kanjani8
Parties previous Part - Part

"Itsumo sou anata wo soba ni iru no? Inai no?
Watashi dake mou kowaresou nano ... "

" It's always like this, are you close to me? Or are you not?
I'm the only one that's about to break ... "

SHO

From the first time we spoke, you did nothing but make all my powder patterns. I never managed to translate into words your feelings, make a few simple phrases in your life.
But with you I have always wrong mathematical formula. And maybe that's why I finally had invented an out of nothing, that I stopped trying to read inside you to build him a new platform. Something more comfortable to handle, a mask to watch your face when it became too volatile and confused.
In fact, it's ironic: I spent years and energy to not consider us in a superficial way, to show that the idol had a brain, so that everything would be oversimplified, and with you I have always tried to do the opposite. To let violence. Mutilate your desires, you fly low, perhaps for fear of falling you would have broken. Or maybe you should wish to prevent escape. But not you, I never said, I've never asked. Stay with me. Other people
not had a hard time understanding you, you have always been an open book for all, just look to see what were you thinking, what they feel. Jun We could, we could Nino. Even Ohno, always lost in his world, could predict your moves with ease. I, however, I always lost, as if looking for a maze in a straight road.
and when we were in the maze really I just go on regardless of the curves, opening the way through the bushes with a knife and a gun to ward off the bad thoughts.
After you had called home for the first time, I thought you hated me, and that there would be no opportunity to speak to me outside of work.
And in the end also seemed logical: you and I belong to worlds so different that even suggest the possibility of a friendship seemed surreal to me, a joke that did not laugh much.
With you, it was always different, and I do not think that had to do with physical attraction. Or at least not only. In our case it probably makes more sense to speak generally of chemical . There was something that made us gravitate toward one another and always pushed us to disagree, for any topic. Hydrogen and oxygen are incompatible by birth. And yet inextricably linked and necessary to life.
They had all realized, even if I refused to talk about it. After all, what could I say? That even if you were the exact opposite of me and the type of guy that I usually feel attracted to, I could not stop thinking? That even I understood what the problem was?
Maybe we should thank Jun and his appendicitis. Or maybe not.
What is certain is that I would not have gone to visit him in hospital with you. We two alone for more.
I was aware as I was sitting at his desk with books spread before him, and tried not to look at the clock, not to hear the ticking of the hands that were moving toward the time when you would knock on my door.
I stood up at the first sound of the bell instead.
And the rest of the afternoon went well, wraps around you and your words. The distance between us that I felt, I felt irritation to grow As time passed and the wall between us grew. The sense of loss that I could not admit to feeling star.
In fact, I felt great expectations for this meeting. Even while I was dressing to go out, do not I allowed myself to think that this afternoon I had in store for something other than the fact of words followed by awkward silences. Of course I did not think could be a start.
I remember the anxiety, more than anything else. A voltage in the muscles of the shoulders, a burning sensation in the pit of my stomach was a shadow of a pain, rather than a real nuisance.
Perhaps it was when I saw you at the door of the house that the node that gripped my throat melted. Maybe my chronic pessimism led me to think that I'd stood him up and you'd be gone by Jun on your behalf.
I can not say.
The only thing certain is that as soon as I saw the first hint of your smile, I was smiling too.

"Hey"
"Hello"

Then you had a different way of moving. Even if you spent the time studying the best strategies to move your body, did not have the confidence that you have now. The actual knowledge that others will observe. That conviction that today adheres to your skin and that allows you to enter into any space and attract all eyes. And not because you're famous.
were probably aware of your beauty, but were not sure yet what it could get.
, moreover, had only twenty. It seems incredible to think that we were so young when everything is started. He almost laughed.
or cry, maybe.
Why is it easy to forgive some mistakes, when you send back the memory and seek alternative solutions. It is easy to forgive all the truth suppressed. But no loss decreases the awareness of the posting. And realize that we were too young to get it right, too small to hope to stay together forever, does not erase our mistakes. Neither changes the fact that we could not resist forever.
However, there was no alternative. There never was.
Even as she turned her head sideways to remove the blush that threatened me and stop to fix your smile, and spied the corner of the movement of the shoulders beneath his jacket, while I watched you start away a lock of hair from her face, I knew that I could not go back.
I do not know what would have happened if we had not had any argument to overcome the embarrassment. Perhaps the silence was even more glacial, your smile less convinced. And I'd begun to consider the idea of taking off of him.
Or maybe we would have done before what we would have done later. It was only a matter of a couple of hours, however. Jun
But there was a bed, some floor above us, which was expecting a visit by his teammates.

"What happened?"
shrug.
"I do not really like hospitals. I do remember "
" This time is different, but "
" Yes .. "
" Jun has nothing serious, do not worry "

do not know if it was the reassurance to calm down, or if your nervous system were not expected to stay in power for so long. It's always been your fortune, this, or your weakness, if you look at it from a Another point of view. Socialize with anyone you know, to convince even the most reluctant person to relax the nerves and start talking. The success may not be immediate with everyone, sometimes you have to work hard, but the end result has always been a surrender.
I listened to you talk about your family, and episodes of your childhood without even realizing that the discomfort was evaporated. Even the air had changed. The nurse looked at us, as we passed, and you smiled at them, but the feeling was that it was a sort of reflex, because he kept talking and did not seem to pay attention to everything which is not your speech.

"I think there is not much used to it. Then that day I drank beer, and beer, for me, is even worse. That is, it gives me a funny drunk ... "
palm against the door, the new department. Turn right.
"It's usually sways the world, but the beer is as if I swayed. I do not know why. I have always done ... "

Should I consider a miracle that we lost there, whereas you did not have the slightest idea where to go and that my sense of direction was too biased towards any direction decides take your body to pay attention to which room we were to look for.
I did not realize to what you hated hospitals, than I was worried about what Jun and what I had had marked success, until I found myself looking at you sitting on the chair beside her bed, curled up almost about yourself to seem less high, the low voice while asking him if he was sure to feel good. The facial features
serious. In your eyes there was a sincere concern that you could not pretend or exaggerate. It hit me like a punch in the stomach knowing that you were there with me. For years, you were part of my life, even without the I agree.
remember that he was a long look in the wake of that reflection.
The hair on the neck, body lines visible under the shirt of cotton. Studied the importance of your cheekbones, the cut of your eyes and the profile of the jaw. We listened to him.
For as long as we stayed there, I have not said more than ten words. Jun
me silent glances, sometimes perplexing, sometimes fun, and you do not turn around to see if I even still there.
is strange. I should have felt ignored.
Instead I had the feeling that you do not lose my every move.
And when we left the room Jun and walked back along the road that had brought us there, I wondered what was born from the silence that had found new space between us. For once, I did not think the alternatives. But I let my gait to be altered to fit you. And when, out of the hospital, I found the courage to look, I'm not surprised to see you smile.

"I believe that soon it will rain"
A Look at the sky and dark clouds swollen.
Wind chill, air supply.
"So it seems. We should hurry "
" Yeah, "
Silence.
"What we took from your house?"
"Twenty minutes, I think" Smile
more cautious now, when it starts to rain violently, suddenly.
"My house is two minutes. We can stop me, if you want. Drink "
" Until the rain stops "Smile
response evident.
"Okay,"

Only in this way, okay .
As if there was nothing else behind. As if that was what I was waiting, I wanted all along. I was hoping for.
I can not say I did not know where it would lead us the way we were taking. But I could not foresee this ending, or that would make me love you so bad. I could not know. And it certainly did not know neither do you.
But even if I had all the elements in hand, I know I would have responded in exactly the same way.
Because of all the regrets that fill my life, that is perhaps the only decision which the rain has not yet been able to wash away the taste.
And I wish I could believe that is the same for you, I'd still have that question, which will force you again in my life. I wish I could believe that our story would not be the first thing we will delete it. But it is difficult
illusion when the memory burns me in front of your eyes when your words echo in my mind and strike me as scratches. It is difficult to hope when the silence is so deafening.
When every day your eyes are indifferent, the voice comes only with the hum of the camera in the background. When you breathe into the receiver of the phone comes from so far away, and there in front of your body to achieve. Just wait. And then, the sound of dry when you stop the conversation. The movement of the hand moving down to lower mechanical the receiver. While
out the window the rain falls thick as that day. But this time, there are more ways to go. Neither
response.