Wounds that can be healed [3/3] Titolo: Wounds that can be healed
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rosa_elefante Group: Arashi Characters: Aiba Masaki, Sakurai Sho
Pairing: Sakuraiba
Genre: yaoi, angst
Rating: NC- 17
Warnings: sequel to Hearts 'Bounds Summary: with Hearts' Bounds, were examined Sho and Aiba's thoughts on their relationship, now ended. Here we return to the present, to see how they are living this break.
Notes: is divided into three parts: one for Sho, one for Aiba, and one for both. The sentences at the beginning of each part are from the song
Aitakute Aitakute of Kana Nishino
Disclaimer: With my writing, published without any profit, I will not give true representation of the character of these people, or offend in any way.
Parties previous HERE "Aitakute Aitakute furueru
Hodo Kimi nam tooku kanji you
Mouichido kika if you use demo
Ano hi no you ni" suki da yo " tte? "
" I miss you, I miss you so much I'm shaking
The more I think of you The Further away you feel
Even if it'sa lie, say to me Like you did Once More
That Day, "I love you ..."
may not be quick to make a decision, Aiba. But when he takes it, it will not stop.
This is what it says, standing outside the door of the studio where Sho is going to live.
Pending the door's being open, torments his hands on the paper wrote that Jun's where to go.
I shudder to see the surprise depicted on the face of Sho when the door opens.
knows that the other would flee.
-I?
Instead, nods, moving away to get him.
-I did not expect to see you here.
His deep voice coming from behind him while walking towards what should be the couch. That place looks like a hospital room, he thinks.
-I thought that if I had not done today, I would not have done anymore - he answered, absently, and 'never again' is not a concept that I particularly like, you know.
-Why? Why
-now or never? - Aiba smiled, turning-Why I'm afraid. It is the kind of fear that compels you to postpone, if not take it head on.
-Fear of what?
He licked his lips.
could answer the truth, afraid to find that boy of twenty reflected in your eyes.
fear of discovering that you too still exists, somewhere.
That is still there.
Fear that you can pull it off again.
Afraid to hear your calm voice reassuring, saying, "It is gone. Do not think about it anymore. "
Fear of knowing that you did not hate it one bit ', and what I told you, in all these years.
to feel even smaller.
-You still have the habit of psychoanalyze people? - Calls instead. And Sho smiles - guilty, a bit 'embarrassed - shaking his head.
-Sorry. Aiba
shrugs. -No. I'm the one who should apologize, Sho.
The man opens his mouth - and there is certainly an objection, ready on his tongue. Reassurance. A few words quietly.
once would have laughed, perhaps, pronouncing it. Now simply shake his head again, as if the voice did not know the right height to bend over, and turn toward the kitchen.
-Want some coffee? "- Asks, leaning over to grab the cigarette pack from the cupboard.
He puts one of his lips, passes his fingers through his hair.
-I have to take it-adds. -I can not start behind, or else.
On the other hand are the eight on Sunday morning.
one time, let him say such a thing would have been a victory.
Aiba really did not expect that certain dynamics could change in this way. And in so little time.
am so unsettling? -Grins and followed him. -It 's a compliment, coming from you.
The man gives him a dirty look, without comment, and he leans on the table, satisfied. Did you set
-well, I see - says he looked on his back.
has a solid body, Sho - thin, but strong. A passive force.
Nothing violent or overwhelming - a patience that leaves no room to erosion. A rock against which all your fists scratch.
Aiba remembers well the frustration of the early days. The inability to find a real contact - a way to touch it, to transform the rock into clay. And plagiarism. Shape it in some way, as he modeled Sho. Make this mutual process.
When they were together, had not yet figured out how to shape it.
-Sai ... I thought of you in recent weeks - Sho suddenly stops, turns to look at him-I have often wondered how did we finish it.
Sho is not responding. He stands there, motionless.
-We spent seven years not to talk - can not be read-only state that, suddenly.
-This thing is supposed to mean?
No response. But at least Sho spoke. He's alive.
Aiba is detached from the table, moving a step toward him-What do you believe you understand, Sho? Question
, closing his hand on his arm.
Fix your eyes on her.
-Aiba, we're too old to remake the crap we did in twenty years.
The temptation is to push back hard.
bite the hand sinks Aiba fingers into the fabric of his shirt.
"Now we are too old, then? - Cock-blowing, Sho. There once it is time for something, in your opinion? And while
Masaki looks at him with burning eyes, which affects the awareness of what is happening. To what that interaction is similar to all those you already enjoy - and what is different at the same time. Why is it different
how Sho looks at him.
Unlike the way that spoke to him.
The angle of the head and body language. The vicinity.
The way his eyes slide over to him.
realizing it is a jolt of electricity at the temples - at low voltage. Nothing dramatic: only a puncture.
smiles.
had not reckoned that the cards could be so different, when he left home to go there. He had not reckoned that the rules sent to memory through years of grueling comparisons could change. When
releases his grip on his arm to close on the side, feeling the roughness under the palm of the jeans, the emotion is different from any other contact. With anyone else.
Why touch a lover is normal - you'd like to touch someone to seduce, as well. With
Sho, that touch has the sour taste of a long-delayed pleasure - a desire almost removed. Feeling
stiffen gives meaning to the past years, and changes in their past. Why
until a few months ago, Sho would not be drawn. He would not have looked down, fixing it on his hand - would not have shuddered.
would smile - in the middle of a fight, too, smile because it was just a way to reaffirm its control - and looking for his eyes would take a puff on his cigarette. Blowing something like: "What would you be doing?"
been two months, but it was enough. They are grown.
changed.
And the rules of the game have changed appearance. Sho
sighs.
-I also I have often thought, -whispers in recent months suddenly, breaking the silence.
He bends his head, looks at "Yes?"
-I was wondering how you were. I actually did miss it - a smile - there were a rather cumbersome in my life.
He smiles, with a little 'of melancholy.
He shrugs, then, taking a step in this direction.
-E now? - Asks.
Sho looks in turn, quizzically
"Now what?
He fixed his eyes on her, serious-What do you think?
The boy shakes his head, almost amused.
What are you-how could I expect.
And I still love you. For a moment, is just about to say.
Because even that's important - and just as difficult. Equally painful.
But there will be time to remove all bones, and treat scratches and abrasions. To show and understand each other.
Collision.
Just leave it to the current. Sufficient
stop clinging to every obstacle.
and let go. Peacefully.
Why all the way to go is always one.
Pulse crazy flying in your ears.
not even need to tilt her head when she finally puts her hands on the chest of Sho. Him was waiting, and her lips are already ajar. From
so close his eyes are almost hypnotic, and are perfectly distinguishable muscles of the chest under the palms of your hands. The relief of the nipples.
And suddenly everything gets easier with him. As seven years ago. Lean
to blow against the lips and caress the edge with his tongue, breathing his breath. Wait.
And everything is different, too. Why Sho
closed his eyes, meanwhile, and his breathing is accelerated. Her cheeks flushed. Aiba
shudders, fitting a leg between those of Sho. Looking
swallow. You
he started kissing, gently biting the chin of the other to go back immediately to his mouth and slowly sinking in with spingervisi. Pats measured.
Maybe it's the influence of Sho, to slow down everything, because the sensation of hunger is a force that presses on the nerves but it softens and melts as soon as the pulse takes the form of gestures. And it is almost unbearable - a wreck calm.
float in the air. The right hand goes
unhurriedly along the leg and while Sho Masaki feel her muscles quivering think it is even fun to remember how everything has started: the discovery of one's feelings, rain, and then the embarrassment, disappointment.
The inability to imagine himself into the dynamics of gender.
is stunned.
For this reason conscience struggling to find herself, later, when suddenly appear to be under the hands of just air. Around the body just yet.
Aiba, unmoving, without understanding.
The heart stops.
And the sensation is like being completely naked in the middle of the room. With all the world's eyes focused on him.
holds his breath. Look
-Sho ...- starts, displaying even the odious reasonable way.
Aiba remembers it all too well, that tone. And he hates.
-Can know that you took? The prosecution
vibrates, and Sho can not really resent obvious hostility: because it still has eyes the expression of Aiba when he pushed back, her face flushed, her lips moist and glossy black pupils dilated. Excitement had given way to confusion and then fear, when he was pulled back in a hurry.
probably is a sign of what is abstracted from the present moment, the fact that I can not even feel guilty. Not really.
Throwing his head back, let go a sigh.
You press your fingers on his temples, trying to regain control. Aiba
snorts, shakes his head. His voice is torn.
-Why are you always so?
is dropped on the couch, trying to explain, to be understood.
-I do not know either.
-Fuck. Masaki
In a moment he abandoned his furious immobility to cover the distance that still separates them and sit on the edge of the sofa, his back bent forward, his elbows on his knees down. Staring into her from below - a mixture of concern and impatience. Frustration. You can not
-uscirtene with bullshit like that, Sho. Not now. Not after that ... - Shakes his head incredulously.
-fits-I fear him - I would have to implement it soon, but I did not think, and when I realized it was too late to draw back slowly. Elegantly.
-elegant? What the fuck got to do elegance, Sho? What the fuck does 'afraid'? You were twenty when you stop to use that excuse!
-not an excuse.
Sho looks away.
has never been easier to talk to Aiba certain things, tangled and the words is like trying to explain the wind: you can not say that sometimes even just walking by his side gives the same effect as running and that is ; embarrassing looking back at him to find out his breath just a bit 'speeded up. Studying the living expression of his eye - the location of one drop of sweat from his forehead to the neck - and know that it is only that enthusiasm that moves when your back is tired gestures. Need to keep up and nothing else. We would
-only casino. Making it difficult ...
"Why, it is now easy? - Aiba exclaimed, looking incredulous, I think it was a walk to be with you? Just be there, I mean, do not end up in your bed every now and then.
Sho does not respond, merely to support his eyes, and it is this Aiba who has always hated more, his ability to carry on a discussion remaining impassive. They are the only time really stands still, bright eyes, black stone, and sharpened in the rock face, to give the impression of being able to withstand anything. Not to hear anything.
The temptation is to succeed every time to crumble. Beating up on the surface to turn it into an earthquake.
-Do you think it is easy to follow? Was it easy in recent years? Do you think that our history has ever been the least stable?
is incredible. Even now, when everything seemed normal again - as it never was in fact - Continues to feel the sensation of walking out of time, when he is with Sho. The feeling of not going to beat, not to be adequate.
And for a moment you take the time to imagine such things could have been if he had addressed the issue when for the first time he has felt the need. When everything was still confused, any law to write and test, or immediately after, when some had already begun to take stock.
would not be here, right now, that's for sure.
-Do you think it was easy to let go? - Continuous, murmuring-That these two months have been simpler?
And Sho looks at him, and he is not never seemed so small and lost as at that time. Aiba is composed, and yet he sees it, his despair. The perceived.
He feels guilty, helpless.
because I understand that has always failed, with Masaki. I just want to feel safe with him, but failed. Aiba
But is there before him, almost begs him. He has suffered so much during those two months without the other guy. And he kissed Masaki. Why hesitate? He knows he wants it.
He just wants to go with him, start over.
pretending to still have twenty years and is one rainy day. The
His hand rests on the side of the neck and the palm Masaki slips almost casually into the neck. While the breath touches the lips - a little closer still.
would thus be easier to lean forward just enough to cover the distance - perhaps not even necessary to get around: just stand still, while the boy's eyes alight on her mouth. Enjoy the seconds until kiss and wait. And then get lost, stop thinking about anything and let the balance between them to settle. Allow prospects staggered become true, and perhaps all that has happened in the past will be absorbed by the skin like a bruise slowly decides to disappear.
-Masaki - whispers.
The other is silent, waiting.
-Do you feel a fresh start?
seem to spend whole minutes, when in reality they are just a few moments. Aiba
nods. When you hear Sho's hand closed around his wrist to draw him into his arms against his chest, the memories of the past fade away, replaced by the details in the present moment: the warmth of the skin to Sho, the tickle of his hair against his cheek. His smell.
Taking a deep breath, pressed her forehead against his neck.
Sho is sliding his hands down his back, slowly, as if to calm him down, and suddenly, without any real reason, the lips bend into a smile and he finds himself laughing.
-What happens? - Made him stop his caresses. Why does not understand, but at the same time is happy. Aiba
centuries were not laughed so in his company. Taste.
Perhaps he never did. Or did it, and he never bothered to realize it. Fully enjoy the laughter.
-I do not know ... - Responds, subsiding a bit 'laughter, the body still shaken.
Maybe it's crazy, but had to laugh as well.
He had never felt so comfortable with Sho. Having the confidence to do anything stupid and not be sent away. Be accepted by him.
-D 'agreement.
As if it was not important and does not even arouse surprise.
The pressure of the lips on the front of Sho at this point, does not know or refusal of absolution: he recalls, rather, the way you touch it. The naturalness with which, from the first moment, was able to break down his resistance to get there.
-I missed you - I heard whispering on the skin.
Keeping your eyes closed, Aiba take the time to listen to him breathe, the chest expands and contracts in a continuous rhythm, and the silence around them is woven fabric rustling minutes of the bodies that are very close. When Sho speaks again, his voice just a whisper.
-It 's a problem if you do not ever let go? The laughter of
Aiba him by surprise.
-No, I guess not.
And Sho laughs in turn goes back to kiss him. The right hand resting on his shoulder, his lips pressed gently on her. A quick stroke that does not seem to have no connection with sex, but talk of proximity, rather. Link between the bodies - to stay in touch.
The difference in atmosphere is logged into the skin as soon as you move Sho, nell'esitazione which avoids backing down at all, almost immobility where both sudden stop.
centimeters apart, neither of the two ventured a movement.
Eye to eye, they look.
Sho has moved a little finger - the index touches the skin of the neck, now - and Masaki feel the tension of the position maintained for too long in the time of crystallization.
Breathe.
and lower lashes when Sho tilts his head back, because his eyes are too intense and the sensation of falling even before it touched. Because the kiss is different now - more enveloping, more profound - and there his body close. His hands, and the desire that seems to throb with more sincerity than usual - with less uncertainty, fewer barriers.
The first time you were in a similar situation, there was confidence that something would go wrong - that letting go was a mistake.
Now, there is a strange clarity in the same confusion, however: Sho's lips, her tongue, dissolving knots but do not let the plot unravel. Rather than return to weave with each thrust - new protections are created as old ones collapse.
is a slow game. A come meet.
Sho is unbuttoning his shirt: his hands moving on the fabric - quick fumble between eyelets and buttons - And he is to follow movements with his fingers tracing the muscles of the chest, feeling the warmth of the skin under the palms.
makes your head spin. Stand beside him, watching him.
feel her lips rubbing on the jaw and bend the head to the side: guess his smile. Still, kiss him. Masaki
shudders when the cotton T-shirt runs on the back and shrivels up, you leave feeling stripped and shakes his head hair stick to the face, while the other slides her hands on her hips naked.
-We move the bed? Sho-then whispers, pressing his lips on his shoulder.
And it seems entirely new, as if they were alone for the first time in a nudity is much deeper than the mere absence of clothes. Even
Sho is new is not an enemy, it is not even an ally. It's a traveling companion, rather. Who knows the way to go, he knows by heart the steps, but has the same desire to accompany you. This
thinks, as he is guided to the bed.
-It 's a problem? - Sho demand, rising on his neck with his mouth. And whatever answer you get lost, when the tongue sinks into the ear and seem to fade, the boundaries of the room.
Stifling a groan, Masaki turns.
-What? -Asks, absently, brushing lips with his. But Sho does not add another: back to kiss him instead - the window behind him, spreading a dim light, sculpting the shape of his shoulders, the arms. Tracing the curves of the muscles, when sliding your fingers along his torso - illuminating the importance of the lips that rub on the chest. That close on the nipple, sucking it.
Aiba shakes his fist on her hair, and feel the touch of her fingers down even lower - touch the hem of the jeans, the belt buckle. Release it. While also lowering his mouth again, drawing a fluid through the chest, circles around the navel.
A kiss to his lips apart - teeth and tongue - and he feels the dry mouth: pants Sho fell to the ground and is on his knees, rubbing his cheek with a little crotch. The body stuck between her legs, solid.
-Sho-chan-he calls it, from above, almost voiceless.
In response, a rise of the eyes, jet black shine of the pupil while the other raises his hand and take one of his own, to weave your fingers. Soon after that there is only a feeling of balance transfers: the perspectives of the changing room and Aiba finds himself upside down on the bed, the temple sank into the pillow. Her hair stuck to her face and mouth of the premiums still behind the ear - to flow slowly down the neck. The lips opened last vertebra - the tip of the tongue.
And his smile, like a caress on the skin.
Like a kiss. Whatever he
in Serbian that night, now it is impossible to go back.
Eyes Closed, Masaki focuses on her voice that whispers plan: 'You are beautiful'. It focuses on his lips, while tracing the form of his name, and draw words on her hands, which move from the hips to the thighs. And he thinks that has never found a need to measure both contradictory feelings: the feeling of being naked, helpless, with complete assurance that you are fully protected. The confusion and delay the perceptions and movements - the most ardent desire that makes all the odds. The skin of Sho
hot and the air that surrounds them.
shiver of fear and thrill of pleasure.
Sho's voice continues to caress the ear, gliding on the skin, curled up words that make no sense, perhaps, but at that time seem to be the only lifeline that allows you to find some guidance: whispered encouragement and vibration kisses, smiles. An arm wrapped around the pelvis to hold it, drive it, and smooth motion, ever faster, the other hand. Masaki
hardly recognize your voice when you hear moaning his name - does not recognize its willingness nell'arcuarsi back, freezes muscles. You how to live outside and at the same time from somewhere too deep to emerge and interact with the world: fingers tightening grip of Sho and his teeth close to the skin and he has to bite the pillow to keep from screaming. After
, time seems to shatter into consecutive snapshots scattered on the floor, casually: there is the shining eyes of Sho close to his face, just before his eyes return to fall to enjoy the best kiss. The rubbing of the cloth over the chest. Stomach.
The delicacy with which the same hands that were holding a few minutes before it stopped - were moving it - is now engaged to care for his body to dry it.
And the thoughts that come back to gather - Who find order, meaning - as the heart gradually slows the pulse and again perceive external stimuli. The ticking clock, the noise of the city outside. The sound of their breathing, the silence in the air.
Sho. My Six-
, Masaki ...
He opens his eyes.
At his side, the guy just change position - press your lips on his shoulder, in a whisper relaxed. -My-repeats, and it is a caress that becomes a thrill: the wrinkling of the skin and the melting of a deep junction between nerves in the flesh.
no apparent reason, Aiba feel my throat closing on the tears.
An arm bent under her head, Sho continues to slide your fingers along her bare back - count the vertebrae with the knuckles, maybe, or perhaps simply play tracks on the skin. Against the cheek, Aiba feel the rise and fall of his chest - the hair slips his breath, still a bit 'speeded up. And there's the smell, all around.
His taste in your mouth.
not you think that's ever happened, feeling so distinctly his membership to anyone. A something.
Suddenly, the fear is so great that almost frightening: he bites his tongue to not say anything - you get nearer to Sho, turns her head to hide her face against his shoulder. Immediately, the boy's hand to stroke his salt hair, her lips touch his forehead.
He inhales.
And when the wind blows out, but the concern seems to leave the body - the insecurity and the memory of recent years, the sound almost suffocating absence of Sho. Fear.
remain only on the fingers of Sho skin pads of his body and set the perfect fit which seems to welcome his own. There remains only the rhythm of his heart, faster, stronger than the one on which he has always measured, and a languor deeper than any dream to weigh down the limbs. To make
longer breaths.
Sleep, then, is simply to abandon to embrace. While the mind down the defenses because there is no danger, and her eyelashes flutter in the dark looking for a more absolute.
And as the silence around you heat and wind, and the weight of a hand on her back is nothing but memory.
numbness.
And, finally, relief.
